The Really Honest Mom

I have become a Hoover. If there was a competition for "who can eat the most bits of food left uneaten by your toddler", I think I would win. I'm not proud of this, but it's a confession I must make. A few days ago, my little person was munching on a Pronutro bar. (Yes, I am aware that there is actual chocolate in it, and I know the super moms will be having panic attacks that feel like heart attacks right now. Maybe that makes me an awful mom, but the child will eat and swallow the snack bars unlike actual Pronutro itself which induces heaving, gagging and sometimes actual vomiting. It's called desperation.) A while after the Pronutro bar eating explosion which always results in bits of crumbly bar everywhere, the child did a poop -  I did the usual celebratory "thank you God we've had a poop so now maybe the night won't be so awful" dance . We get very excited about these things in this house. Fast forward a few hours and I found some smooshe...

I grew up with a truly phenomenal human named Phyllis. Allow me to explain. She moved in with me when I was about 8 years old and moved out when she went to study medicine. We had a very long journey together. I can tell you with absolute honesty that in all those years of sharing a room and living like sisters, I never ever saw Phyllis lose her temper or freak out. Not once. Even when we had a crazy lady chase us with a crowbar - that's a story for another day - she just laughed while our other friend Bailey and I screamed and cried. At every moment in life, Phyllis has been akin to the Rock of Gibraltar. Firm, unshakeable, solid, immovable, consistent, phenomenal. She is now a doctor. (I personally feel like all the practice she got patching me up as a kid was the preparation for her MD status now.) I won't even spend time telling you that she's basically Jesus in girl form, and that she's beyond talented in literally every single life department. Without her, I wou...

Can anyone explain the insanity of a toddler's taste buds to me? I don't offer a vast plethora of dietary options to my toddler. She has similar choices each day, but the hysteria that accompanies the spoon coming towards her as though it were some form of mutant fish head soup really does get to me. I feel a type of rage that is probably irrational, but I am constantly afraid that my child isn’t getting enough calories in her body. My granny was a born and bred Lebanese feeder. Think “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” - you know the moms and aunts who just feed and feed and feed and feed? Well, that was my granny. That seems to have passed along to me when it comes to feeding Nevaeh. Even though she is growing well, I'm still paranoid that she might lose weight and that causes deep terror in my soul. And so we fight. Every single day.  I have become a theatre singer and dancer -even though I really don't like the theatre - all in a desperate attempt to amuse my child lon...

My offspring must think I am some form of highly evolved robotic energy source that has zero need for consistent sleep. Currently, I feel as though I got thrown backwards down a well filled with peanut butter and cacti fronds, because last night was a new level of awful. The little creature had me up at least 20 times and I say that with no exaggeration (tough as that may be to believe because of my peanut butter comment). She's 14 months old and I have had 2 full nights of sleep since the day she was born. At this moment, all the wonder moms who have angelic children who slept through the night from when they were 17 minutes old will be frowning and twitching at what must be my terrible mothering. Yes, I've tried chamomile tea. Yes, I've tried gripe water. Yes, I've tried no stimulating activities before "bedtime". Yes, I've tried everything. But thank you in advance for your suggestions that helped your angel child to sleep so wonderfully from the mill...