12. I Used To Be Cool

Once upon a time, in my pre-child life, I think I could have been classified as "cool". I played drums in a pop duo called The Arrows for almost a decade. We got to do some pretty cool stuff in our time. Stuff like living in LA, getting taken for our first tattoos in downtown San Diego by our amazing friend Sonny (POD frontman), playing shows in front of thousands of excited people, recording an album in New York City, being sponsored by adidas Originals, seeing Jack Johnson live in Dallas (I must pause here momentarily for a brief account of one of the best nights of my entire life! Haters can hate but I love me some Jack Johnson. I sound like an old man when I sing so I try not to impose my awfulness upon people, but that stormy, stinking hot night in Dallas, I sang at the top of my voice and ended up losing my shoes due to my dancing in the rain. It was worth every second! I'm sorry about shoving someone out the way at the merchandise table, but that shirt with the sail boats had to be mine!), watching The Ting-Tings ("that's not my name, that's not my name" for those of you who don't know bands all too well) at a sound clash in Vegas, and a whole bunch of other incredible things. Listen, it was also insanely hard work and had a host of super tough experiences, but for this specific post I am focusing on the awesomeness. Another time I will talk about the "toilet facilities" at festivals, airport gear wars, having our brand new anti-crime campaign van stolen during an album cover photo shoot, and Pam passing out at Madison Square Garden whilst we were watching Arcade Fire play. 

Now I "mom" full time. That means my daily what's app conversations go something like this (taken from an actual what's app chat) :

Christie: Is everyone alive? 

Phyllis: Yes thankfully my mom came home and helped! 

Christie: Day by day is all we can do!

Phyllis: That's all you can do hey!

Christie: That and faaaaaar too many carbs...

Phyllis: I made a resolution on Monday to eat healthier... Thay lasted the sum total of 1 day - resolutions are for when your kid turns 3 and can successfully feed themselves and wipe their own bum!

Christie: Okay, I'm laughing so much right now! I've tried so many times to get it together and then I find myself shoveling in whatever I can find.

Phyllis: So true... Today I stood in front of the open fridge looking at the tub of readily prepared healthy grapefruit and pineapple.And  then I closed the fridge and ate a packet of Nik-naks and a cupcake instead. Today grapefruit just wasn't going to cut it! Why do carbs just make you feel better? I think we have serious carb and caffeine issues.

I used to talk about music venues, deaf sound guys, drum kits, visas, passports, hotels, rental cars, photo shoots, outfits, and set lists. Yes, Pam - the crazy genius songwriter of The Arrows - sometimes thought that tying 1,000 Barbie dolls to a giant fishing net would make a great album cover (it totally did), and that involved enough cable ties to hold together the Great Wall of China and a lot of rope burn. But truthfully, that was actually really relaxed compared to parenting. Now I talk about poop, lack of sleep, lack of sleep, lack of sleep, cereal that toddlers will potentially swallow without heaving, tricks for surviving teething (The Eleventh Plague), how to most efficiently cut my toddler's velociraptor-like fingernails which grow at an alarming rate, whether or not Milo is a good or bad idea for an almost 15 month old who has far too much energy already and which store is having a sale on Pampers.

Life changes really quickly and dramatically when you bring a new person into the world. In 2011 we played the most incredible sold out show at the Ticketpro Dome in Johannesburg when we opened for The Script. In 2017 I went to that exact same Ticketpro Dome to the Mama Magic show so I could take Nevaeh to see Barney and buy Pampers and Milton on sale. Vastly different life experiences in the exact same location. I hope that when the offspring grows up she will be able to look back at when I used to be cool (and skinny) and know that even though my life was extraordinary, the fulfillment I feel when she giggles and smiles at me is more intoxicating than all the amazing experiences I was blessed enough to have in my twenties. Nothing seems to stay the same, but each new season comes with new rewards alongside the challenges. One of my favourite quotes is by Sir Francis Bacon : "In three words I can sum up everything I know about life - it goes on." I don't know much, but I am slowly learning that finding health in my soul involves deliberately processing the realities of all the changes and how they make me feel - I do this by speaking with embarrassing honesty to a trusted friend. It involves choosing to see the sunshine through the clouds, because it is always there - I do this by reminding myself of all the good that's happened in my life. It involves choosing gratitude because there is always someone who has endured far more than I have - I do this by reading books about the Holocaust. I know that in this particular time in life, when sleep is scarce and doctor's visits are abundant, it can feel overwhelming, exhausting and sometimes downright depressing. I know that it isn't thrilling to read "One Mole Digging A Hole" 29 times in a row. I know that it's a serious seratonin depletion mechanism when you are surviving on coffee, toast and bits of very broken up "sleep". I know how it can seem never-ending.  But I'm also realizing, as every day goes and my little person grows and changes, that this too shall pass. I have been told over and again by those who have been through this that I will miss it. This is a shout out to everyone in this crazy phase - we will survive!